David Sedaris on Letterman

And people wonder how I got so twisted.

I point and blame Public Broadcasting. Ernie made me do it!

Wii envy

I want a Wii! ><

Since Christmas I have been asking around trying to get one of those hydro cephalic trogs that works at the big electronics stores to let me know when the next shipment of Wii's come in.

Each time I get the same answer.

Me: When is your next Wii shipment?

Trog with finger up his nose: Uhhh, we do not know when the next shipment is coming in.

Me: Is there a way for you to let me know when they do come in?

Trog sniffing his finger: We sorry first come first serve.

Me: So let me get this straight, you do not know when it's coming in and you can not tell me when it comes in and I can not pre-buy it either/

Trog licking finger: uh, yeah.

Now do not get me wrong. I could have gotten it a long time ago. I did not buy it then because I did not want to spend and additional $300.00 American above and beyond the base sticker price.

I mean who does that?

Who is willing to spend that much money on a Wii?

Honestly, If you have nothing better to do with your cash, buy that steaming piece of turd the PS3. Do not continue to allow hardware vendors to prey on your desperation (and or stupidity) and allow them to jack up the price 2X or 3X of what it usually is. Do not buy the bundles systems either, those are a total waste of cash as they stick you with a bunch of titles that you will never play, sell or give away.

I'm going to go play Wow now.

Muwahahahaha! I am evil in a "Good" way

Just something that I did to prove to myself that I am not the norm.

You scored as Chaotic Good. A Chaotic Good person is someone who has little intrinsic respect for laws or authority, seeing them as insufficient to sustain what's right. These people work according to their own moral compass which, while good, is not necessarily always aligned with that of society. Despite their chaotic tendancies, these people are good at heart. Chaotic Good 70% Neutral Good 60% True Neutral 60% Neutral Evil 55% Lawful Good 50% Lawful Evil 50% Chaotic Neutral 45% Chaotic Evil 45% Lawful Neutral 10% What is your Alignment? created with QuizFarm.com

This little jewel brought to you by Quiz farm.
http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=382

Yes I am a geek!

So I admit I play World of Warcraft.

*waits for the laughter to subside*

Yes it is true. The reason for my chronic lack of sleep is that I log in 2 or 3 times a week and kill tiny lil' electronic monsters and make fun of pimply faced teenagers for their abilities in mangling the English language.

pwnD u st00p1d n00b!

lol

Well I just found out that Blizzard Entertainment is having the second Blizzcon this August in Anaheim.

Yes I want to go.

Yes I am a geek.

So now I am planning to spend time with other Blizzard game playing dorks and ogle at girls dressed as Blood Elves and make disparaging remarks about the Disney Parks.

/sigh

Now powered by Jaiku!

Now you can see what I am doing and pester me to no end.

Ain't the Interweb grand!

Wow! went a whole freakin year with out posting

Let me see, what happened during that time.

1. Wife graduated with her Masters Degree
Yipeee!

2. Wife has a lot more financial aid debt.
Jesus freakin Christ! 0.o
I wonder how much I will get for a kidney.

3. I am back in school and on my way to FINALLY getting my degree

4. Work still 5uXX0R5

5. Our dog Odo passed on

6. We got a new cat named Vincent (after Vincent Price)

7. Got a newer to us junker car

Learned to appreciate the little things in life. (yeah right!)

Christmas time has come and gone and all I have is a lousy t-shirt

I remember a long time ago when I was just a small child, a happy time of songs, smells and sights.

My heart would skip a beat at the mention of this magical time.
Everyone you knew from mean old man upstairs to your best friends actually became nicer. I mean really nice.

People would say please and thank you. Total strangers would wish you a good day, and the smell of spiced cakes and pies were everywhere.

And this is is sunny Los Angeles.

People where just happier back then, or so I remember.

Of course I'm talking about Christmas past...

I have just survived another budget busting, blood pressure popping, big o' piece of steaming reindeer turd of a holiday.

Am I ever glad its over.

Christmas has lost all its shiny luster this year. I have been yelled at by old ladies. Harassed by skater punks and insulted by sales people as they make off the cuff remarks about my choice of "gifts" to my loved ones.

Mmmmmmm beeerrrr!

I like beer. I love beer.

I wan't to be buried encased in a giant bottle of beer with a best before this date sticker.

I love beer so much I wrote a haiku to celebrate:

Ahem!

The serene purity of beer

Look how it happily fizzes and pops

so much joy I cry

This past forth of July weekend I got a chance through work to tour the facilities of on of my favorite little Microbreweries, Craftsman Brewery. Thi place was found in a garage of a former JPL worker Mark Jilg, and yes ladies and gentleman he was a rocket scientist at one time.

The place was full of giant brew kettles, fermenters, kegs full o'beer. I almost teared up it was so simply and beautiful.

Burn the House Down (aka I'm never Buying Anything at Home Depot Again!!)

I feel crappy.

I have had buzzing in my head for over a week now. Stoopid head…

My wife bought me a gas barbecue grill for papa’s day. No, I am not a father. I’d hate to think what kind of dad I would be if I was. I’d probably be one of those weirdo Vincent Price type dad who’s children grow up to be fascist Republican’s just to rebel against their father.

Shiver….

But any way my wife said that we had some money to burn (Aha! literally) and that she wanted me to get a gas grill for our patio. Oh, the joy, the rapture!!! I was to join my ancient ancestors in the art of charring meat to an unrecognizable lump of carbon. Sp began my task of shopping and comparing grills and I decided to go to the Home Depot to purchase it as they had a grill that would offer me the biggest bang for my buck. I arrived at the Downey store and asked the indifferent woman who was working the department. She looked at me as said “You are going to have to wait as I am swamped.” Ok, I can understand that but after waiting twenty minutes I was starting to get miffed. I finally got a clueless looking assistant to start looking for the grill and that went nowhere as they did not have the grill in stock and wouldn’t have until next Monday. I asked if they could call the store in Monrovia (as it was reasonably close to my house) to see if they had any in stock. He did and told me that according to the stock clerk they had 23 in stock. 23 in stock!!! So off I went to Monrovia to pick up my grill.

I arrived at the Monrovia store. Found another haggard employee, was told to wait as she would send someone over to help, waited, meet the assistant and he began to search for the grill. Remember that they told me at the Downey store that the Monrovia store had 23 grills in stock. I was told that they had no such grill in stock. Beyond pissed I commented that on the phone that this store had 23 in #$^%$ stock and that I had driven all the way from Downey. The Home Depot employee unmoved and told me too bad, I should have had the stock clerk to check visually as the one listed on their system may be the one yet to be unpacked from the stock area. Those grills were not going to be unpacked until Saturday afternoon at the latest and that the only way was to have will call, call me if they were the ones I was looking for.

I walked to will call with the grill SKU number told them my story. The nice stock clerk was incensed at my story, took my SKU number and told me to wait. After ten minutes she came over and apologized as she could not find any even though her system said she had 3 in stock. She told me that I probably would be better of finding the grill I needed from someone else as this is unfortunately too common an occurrence.

After that debacle I made up my mind to never again set foot in a Home Depot went to OSH and found the runner up grill that I had also researched. It only took five minutes to purchase the gleaming stainless steel beauty and have it sent to my car. Hmmmm…

Anywho, I spent the next day assembling my grill which kinda looks like a demented R2-D2 and proceeded to test fire it and picked a piece of salmon as my first sacrifice to Kwaj, god of fire.

I burnt that fishy to a crisp…

Muwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, cough, ack…

The crazy wacky white bread world of Minneapolis, MN

I’ve recently been sitting around and musing about what I have learned after voyaging to my youngest brothers wedding in Minneapolis…

 

This part of the country is actually very picturesque, green and beautiful with a great sense on architecture and style.

 

Then why is it that I hated every minute of it???

 

I think my new sister in-law summed it up best.

 

Welcome to Minneapolis, land of ten thousand lakes and ten thousand rehab centers.

 

Everywhere I looked in this burg I found bar, after bar, after, mega liquor mart, after overpriced coffee shop.  Geezus!

 

And don’t even get me started on the minister (Who was married!) who kept hitting on my wife (Who was sitting next to me!!) all during the rehearsal dinner.

 

Or the colony of perfect Stepford women who have made this city their central hive.

 

Makes me appreciate what I have here in crowded and corrupt sunny California.